All in Time Due ((Part 13))

Welcome to, THE NEXT ONE. As always, I have run out of ideas, ONLY to, at some point, have WAY too much to say. I’m not entirely sure how this works, but it do. I start with a concept, something like WRITE ABOUT HOW YOU’RE AN IDIOT FOR THE THIRD TIME. Then, I reflect on the world, myself, the world again, and maybe some other stuff, and come to the conclusion that there’s more to the question than merely writing down all the ways in which I could actually be considered an idiot. There’s also the ways in which I could be considered an idiot, falsely. You know, in the eyes of the judging world. Well, let this be the point, of this piece. Let this all be about you getting to know me, in at least one conceptual way.

Oh, and Hello.

With prefaces out of the way.

I guess this one is SUPPOSED to be a sort of continuation of THOSE parts of this series concerning my living like an idiot. And while I could keep on going, on in this direction, trying to convince you that I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING AT ALL. I do know SOMETHING, I do, and so cannot feel or say THE COUNTER for too long. As such, let me speak about idiosyncrasy. Those parts of you, tendencies, that lead you to do things others might consider dumb, but also those parts that end up being PRECISELY how you interact with the world. And THIS can never be dumb, dude. Along THESE lines, I can think of many ways in which I interact with the world in a relatively strange-novel way. Just yesterday, I woke up in Virginia, having parked my self along the Appalachian Trail, all for the purpose of giving POTENTIAL HIKERS, people I’ve likely never met, a better time at their hike. For me, this meant finding suitable camping. For them, it COULD have made their day.

IMAGE OF A HIKER, SWEATY AND LOOKING FOR SOLITUDE

HEARING A SONG ABOUT SOLITUDE

AND HORSES

And this difference matters to me. If it takes me so little effort, for me, and the return of another is so high, for them, then why would I not please my fellows? Why would I not go about looking for such differences, all for the sake of living closer to a saint, whatever this may now mean. Now MEAN. Yup, that’s ONE way to describe everything around me. I DO see a lot of hate, and separation, and my therapist. All of this to say, these are not the only things, problems are not the only things. The camping was good, and ACTUAL HIKERS actually went by. In fact, I ended up making friends with a local hippie, who had a lot of really good things to say about my music, and my ability to perform said music. And, man, does it feel good to have another person take such a high & focused perspective on your freedom. As I practice FREEDOM, as best I can, they kind of end up doing the same. They stop and listen, make the musician feel special, and then move on, having fueled the musician to the point of their being able, AND WILLING| to continue. Because, The life of a musician can be quite hard, so yeah, this stuff helps. But, yeah, the idiosyncrasies.

Phrases. I get so many phrases caught in my mind. And in my mouth too. And this can be REALLY annoying sometimes. It’s like a thing I can’t let go, cannot get out of my head. I’ll meet a person and they’ll say something like:

LOOK!

THEY BURNED ALL THE RHODODENDRON.

HOW AM I GOING TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DIG, NOW?

THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE, DOES IT?

This man HAD made a living, a relative living, commensurate with experience, for so many years, digging plants, but recently, the local authorities have had the good foresight to burn certain things in order to avoid nature burning the whole forest. But, this explanation doesn’t suit The Plant Guy. And this is OK. We all have OUR problems. Like my having the following trapped in my head (and ALWAYS with an AFRICAN accent):

THEY PUTTING MALARIA IN THE WATER

And this is usually in the form of a song-melody, an ACTUAL SONG, based on a VERY STRANGE THING that probably no one has ever actually said. Often, if I lack good enough sleep to prevent doing so, I will add:

SO WHEN THE RHINOCEROS COMES AND DRINKS THE WATER

ITS BABIES WILL BE BECOME DEAD

I know. HAVE me committed. But, these are IDIOSYNCRASIES, not CRIMES. Not yet. At this rate, I won’t have to add anything weird when proofing. This WILL BE THE WEIRD. Similarly, an ACTUAL AFRICAN, by the shortened-name of : Michael said, simply:

I LIKE PINEAPPLE

His smile was as wide as the Serengeti and like super African, and it was cool. As we ate the pizza at which he had just commented his affinity, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Yeah, I like pineapple. I should say it like that, no frills. I LIKE pineapple. Thanks, Michael. And while on the same trip, another African, I’m being serious, said, I shit you not:

THIS IS MIDNIGHT MUSIC

When I asked him what he meant, he replied that the jazz, we were listening to, in the rented subcompact too small for both me and therefore him by a lot, too, was the perfect music for midnight. The jazz was just right. Man. These are PHILOSOPHIES if you think about it. Seriously. I get philosophies, entire modes of living, stuck in my head, every single day. No matter how offensive.

And for a while, I repeated to Lauren:

HI,. MY NAME ? IS LAUREN E.’S KEROSHWACK

ADVISORS

AT THE UNIVERSITIES OF SOUTH FLORIDAS

And this was usually in an impression of our old school president, Judy Genshaft. I mean, how weird is that? And like I said, this stuff can get REALLY ANNOYING. Just ask Lauren. And speaking of Bodhi, he once said:

THEY SAY TOBACCO IS SACRED

And so naturally, I have spent all of my time since misquoting him as

THEY SAY TABASCO IS SACRED

You know, like the hot sauce. Because, duh, If you can’t make life any fun, then why live it at all? And no, I am not telling you to go out and buy a gun. Don’t. Unless you want to, for some other-cooler-safer reason. Either way, Just think, if you listen well enough you too can live an exciting life of odd phrases. Like when one of my favorite professors saw me for the first time in a long time. I had grown a beard, and so he naturally, as an ARMENIAN Mathematician, said:

YOUR HAIRS ARE GROWING LONG

Well, yes. I guess they are. Even as I type this now, I realize that a lot of this stuff comes from my having studied math, and being an actual minority (i.e., WHITE MALE) within my department. There’s also the songs I will make up, randomly, and on the fly, with FULL MELODY ready to go:

I WANT TO BE A VULPES VULPES

I WANNA SEE A VULPES VULPES

And this about the same day John Nash dies. I can still remember that trip, and how the wind was so bad that after I had woken up and Lauren was still sleeping, the tend folded in right on top of her. And here I was probably trying to write an entire song out of the two red lines above, fox. Lines from films too:

WE’RE NOTHING IF NOT FACILE MR. NUR- MR. NUR- MR. NURDLINGER

I quote this film all the time, GOOD NEIGHBOR SAM, starring Jack Lemmon. Then there’s Withnail and I, that-which I quote every single day. Things like:

THE FUCKER WILL RUE THE DAY!

And

HE’S HAD MORE DRUGS THAN YOU’VE HAD HOT DINNERS

Or even

YOU’VE GOT SOUP. WHY HAVEN’T I GOT ANY? COFFEE.

These are the tones that get caught up in the brain, as I wear the same thing all the time. And this is life, and fun. Oh, and there’s the accents. I will speak in accents, sometimes, all day long, too. Especially TO myself, and in the woods. Often, you can hear me trying to “emu” PETER SELLERS or ALEC GUINNESS. You know, VERY ARTISTIC ENGLISH GENTLEMEN. And not at all from this era. I’ll speak like Alan Rickman, as Severus Snape, in Harry Potter, for hours-days. Will sing the Lion King soundtrack from the ’90’s all the time. Once, a woman feeding me a plate of food in a Chinese Food Restaurant brought said plate of said food and said

HERE’S YOUR DINNER

Well, I have been saying that since. Almost every time, I eat a dinner. Which I can happily say is often enough. Then, there’s the eerie similarities I can’t put down. Like about how I had this friend Jeff who would say things like

FOR ABOUT FIVE BUCKS

Or

LET’S MEET DOWN AT THE TOASTED MONKEY

Or, one of my personal favorites

I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF YOU’RE IN TOWN, BROTHER

And, as if this guy wasn’t quotable enough, I met a man looking just like him, in the North-East, who also talked like him, who said

GET YOURSELF ABOUT FIVE BUCKS IN QUARTERS

AND JUST SIT

The showers at the facility took quarters and so his advice was to enjoy the heat, after a long hike. Somehow, I had met Jeff, twice. And they both spoke about five bucks. How fucking weird. So very real. More recently, there’s

THERE HE IS!

As Lauren and her husband say about their cool ass kid, as they teach him to recognize himself. The very same I helped teach to walk. So, naturally, when I look into the mirror now, I say it to myself: THERE HE IS!

What else is there? I mean, grad school accounts for a lot of this, but the world DOES provide more. When I was little, and we were on a road trip to TX, which is to say my father was probably evading the cops, a man asked him:

ARE THOSE KIDS URINE?

I know it’s, it is, YOUR ONE’S aka Are those your kids? But, it’s good to dream of the meanings, and possibilities. Now, while I try and think of more phrases, I’ll speak about how I dress and where I’ll go. I never sit still. I camp often, and dress about like I do, this. You know what I mean. Those people who camp all the time. They give up on life well past sweat pants and tattered jeans. THEY are deeper and more embedded into the madness that is being away from people, for too long. They wear the same shorts, probably second-hand, for like a month straight and mitigate smell enough to hide this fact. They keep a bag of shirts that they keep fresh enough in rotation. About the underwear, I will not speak. That’s foreign lands, and I do not have their passports. In other words, let’s assume that I do what I can to remain fresh in spite of my living ways causing enough dirt to excavate. Give or take. Some give, some take.

{

_the_ POSTER READS: URINE BOY

A ROOM _full_ OF SHOCKED, EXECUTIVE FACES

_the_ AUTHOR LOOKS FOR WORK

}

Just today, I’m in swim trunks and a shirt with a dog on a hamster wheel on it. The very same shirt I once wore to DI Coffee Bar in Davis Islands and some woman complained at me loudly about how the medicine being advertised on my dog shirt had given HER dog a rash. Dude, lady, I don’t work here, I’m just drinking the coffee. I don’t have to wash my hands, or even wear proper pants all the time. And so I camp. I become an example of what idiots MAY look like. Remember, this is about idiocy. HER SIDE, that side of her that gets it wrong. The one where we’re living free and others see it : THAT PERSON IS AN IDIOT. Still, I have reflected on this over the past few days and have realized that I might be winning. I am poor, but I think I’m winning. If you handed me a loin cloth and I chose to wear it, not much would change. For some, this would change the entire world. And this reminds me of something I say often:

IT IS GOOD

AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE GOOD

Once again, these things are not phrases. At least not phrases alone. These are philosophies. And when we hear things like THIS, we stand a good chance of becoming musicians, artists, or maybe even standard workers. Some hear music, while others hear the screech of a chalking board. Then there’s that jam from Sunset Boulevard:

THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING 50

UNLESS YOU’RE TRYING TO BE 25

As always, I’m not completely sure of this being the exact quote. But, this is the form I remember and this is the one that changed my mind, for the better. And speaking of BETTER, there BE the stuff of OLD INTERNETS. I quote some of this stuff all the time:

YEAH, LIKE ICE CREAM

Or

I KEEP MY ASS VERY AVAILABLE

And

BUDDY WHAT YOU MUNCHIN’ ON? SNACKS BUDDY, SNACKS BUDDY.

Or

I’M CRUISIN’ ON MY SCRAPER BIKE

You can find me, even when all by myself, quoting those old EBaum’s world sound boards. You know, the ones we used to use to prank call people in the voice of Arnold I’m not even gonna try and spell his last name. You know who I mean, especially if you know the soundboards. Either way, I’ll be driving down a desolate highway, and will shout:

SOMEBODY’S IN MY HOUSE

EATING MY BIRTHDAY CAKE

WITH MY FAMILY

And there will be no cake anywhere around. It’s just the juxtaposition of life and life’s quotes, meeting, to make things more fun than they used to be. As such, You can find me, in the exact middle of the night, writing songs, pilfering among an underwear bag, or repeating beautiful phrases, if only to see what is left. If only to see where life CAN be. I can think now of my grandfather and how he too was a bit quotable, with things like:

THEY’LL MOVE

as he pulls out into traffic mostly without looking, Or

JUST ENOUGH TO PISS YOU OFF

about those little candy packages, presumably sized so as to prevent too many fat kids from getting too much fatter. I know, of course, I shouldn’t call anyone fat. But, how else will I make certain people laugh? if you walk into a Nazi bar and they don’t have ANY Madonna on the juke box, what WILL you do? More like NUKE-BOX, am I right? Yes. You can find me, at almost ANY hour of ANY day, writing down a song’s lyrics, a song itself, an idea, or pages and pages of failed mathematical attempts. These are MY idiosyncrasies. I have been laughed at so many times, often to my face. And, I have learned to laugh along. Not at myself, but at the weakness of laughing at another person and how mean that actually is. And, continuing the quotes that get stuck in my head, there’s THIS gem from Montreal:

I’M NOT GAY

I’M BISEXUAL

THIS Asian man was walking VERY FAST in the middle of the night, when Austin and I were too. Eventually, moving along at the same ODD SPEED, we met. Yet again, another interesting person. Someone who can’t help but getting stuck in my head. Do I get stuck in the heads of others? And if so, is it all the embarrassing stuff I cannot read, or remember? What DO they recall? remember? How DO they see me? How does ANYONE see me?

LIFE, AS THE TIP OF AN ICEBERG

EACH, BEING YET ANOTHER ICEBERG’S TIP

Now, there’s also things like my car. I have kept the SAME CAR since 2008. I have built a bed in it, and have never seen anyone else do the same to the same car. They keep their seats where they go. I do not. I took mine out, so as to make room for alternative ;living situations. Now, little kids play with it like it’s from the film Mad Max. Because, in essence, it is. By now, and given the number of mountain ascents I have made, this THING is a work, of ACTUAL ART. I hope, if I play my cards right, the thing will end up in a museum, and not in the same way as Bundy’s Beetle. Oh yeah, there’s Austin’s dad too!

THEY’VE GOT CHICKEN

AT PUBLIX

FOR A DOLLAR NINETY-NINE A POUND!

He’s always talking about the prices at Publix. In a way, this is a bit like him working there. And I mean ALWAYS. So much so that both Austin and I can’t help but quote all of it. He also does this HUH! thing where exasperation meets the purity of a bowl mullet, someday skullet. OK, skullet NOW. So, as I put on the same clothes again and write at lighting speed, the worried speed of SOME genius, it’s all these odd people I have on my mind. It’s all of the weirdos. I mean who SHOULD the weird look up to? And I mean the genuinely weird. People like us need someone to look up to. And in the absence of a world where weird is allowed AMOK, we HAVE to look to each other. We have to watch out for each other. So, when THAT anxious guy approaches talking about fish in some overly specific way, I’m listening. I’m looking. To see if he’ll burp up a little philosophy. As always, he does. And this is in spite of who he is. If he is truly weird, weird things will eventually come from his brain.

Her’s too. And when it comes to the weird, this is, also, the mouth.

This. This is so much fun that I don’t want to stop here. And so I won’t. but, I must leave for now to go to therapy, where surely, new things will come up. I will utter new phrases like:

RODENTS GET INTO THE SPACE BETWEEN

WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE

And this is true. I have just lived it. And while that stuff wasn’t so fun, it does generate language that will, eventually, make life more fun. At least I hope so. Still, my mind has learned something from it.

STOPPED HERE.

DRIVING IN THE MOUNTAINS IS FUN.

_riding_ A CAR.

So, so far,, this thing is MORE fun to write than the last one. I very much feel like love NEEDED that kind of attention, but man, it’s so much easier to just talk about myself. Said everyone, ever. As always-often, I have no clue where I left off, but I HAVE thought of a few more gems, things that HAVE gotten stuck in my head:

HE WAS NOT THERE,

AND HE WAS NOT THERE,

AND HE WAS NOT THERE.

This was a rather eccentric Greek by the simple name of Vovoras. He was referring, as always, to so many things at once. He was going on about how this person, male, that person, female, etc., had not gone to a review he had given. Essentially, he was calling out the class, using ALL MALE PRONOUNS. As such, his statements have been caught in my head all the time. When I once told him that I had done well on his final without studying, he said

I CAN DO THAT TOO

How simple. Of a man. He WAS there. But, either way, I hear he moved to Greece and started farming. So, yeah, I’d say he’s probably still pretty cool.

Then, I can think of a few run ins I’ve had with traffic cops:

I COULD KISS YOU RIGHT NOW, FOR NOT GIVING ME A TICKET

YOU’RE REALLY OUT TO GET ME, AREN’T YOU?

And my personal all-time favorite:

NOT UNLESS YOU COUNT THESE *FLEXES MUSCLES*

For this last one, a cop, IN PORTLAND, OREGON; had asked me if I had had any guns in the car, and so of course, being drunk and recently woken up, I said, as I flexed my bicep and raised my sleeve, NOT UNLESS YOU COUNT THESE. he was A LOT friendlier after this. I think I may have accidentally saved my own ass. Especially considering I had fallen asleep, briefly, on my horn. But, this is about my potential for idiot-seeming, what I have been calling here: idiosyncrasy. Deeming. I guess I HAVE ventured into the realm of THINGS I DO, which, I guess, isn’t so much the same, thing.

Oh, well.

Do you get phrases, and statements, and other things caught in your head too? What’s the worst of it? You COULD let me know, just as I have just done for you, here. You COULD let me in on YOUR LIFE a little. And guess what. I have a feeling that, if we knew a little bit more about the SMALL-WEIRD of others, and each others, we may not be so apt to allow our rulers to start wars on our logos, and flags. Now, lest this turn into a ramble on my political views, I’ll stop here. That’s some of what I wear, many of the phrases stuck in my head, and even some of what I say that, while not entirely being stuck in my head, IS pretty darn funny to hear, and therefore, to see written down,’ere.

If you’re weird, then please keep it up.

If you’re not, then maybe give weird a try.

The next time you think ::: I SHOULDN’T SAY _that_, well, maybe say it.

There’s ALWAYS time to say it.

Until there isn’t.

PS — In spite of my need to do so many tiny things, like we all do every single day, I actually look forward to proofing this one. Here’s to hoping I don’t “eat an entire horse.” AKA DO SOMETHING I REGRET SAYING SHOULD HAVE BEEN FUN WHEN IT TURNED OUT NOT TO BE, SO FUN. Life SHOULD be fun.

Two P’s, Two S’s: In proofing this, I realized that weird can be pretty offensive, sometimes. Sorry about that. Either way, this was quick to proof. And so my mood has not been too heavily influenced toward depression, by it. Thanks, universe, for not making EVERYTHING terrible.

Not Morrissey.

But very much, like Morrissey.

From death, with life.

%%% Else if.